28.12.14

vintage of the century!


THIS NEW YEAR'S EVE!
EVERYONE IS INVITED

to buy my mustard. 

supplies are limited so act now to take full advantage of this once in a year opportunity.

the 2014 vintage is down to its final batches and they may not last until wednesday night.
that's why it's so important that people make their mustard purchases now, if they want to partake of the excellent, legendary, 2014 vintage.

the 2014 is intended to be eaten young, and will be best in the next week, although it will be consumable into the early months of spring 2015.

it pairs well with potatoes and sauerkraut, omelettes des jambons, fried chicken, and asparagus dishes. 

if you're feeling adventurous try it on sushi. 

and, if you miss the chance to buy the last of 2014, don't worry about running out of mustard. 

i plan to start production of the 2015 vintage at midnight on january first, for a special new year's hogmany mix that goes great with pork.

the process of night mixing gives the mustard a particular viability not found in the heat of daytime mixes.

no matter what mustard you buy, remember, i made it with flavour

for you...



27.12.14

hotter than hell


one time i had a dream that old lady caulkin traded her mustard recipe to the devil.

he didn't care about her soul. he wanted her recipe. he said that it was hotter than hell. in return she got beauty. that's where i goit my devilishly good looks from.

she gave him the recipe, but not the rights to use it. the devil was furious that he had been out-witted. but there was nothing he could do. a deal is a deal.

26.12.14

the original old homey's day


one time had a dream that i was dragged back to the original old homey's day.

it was in 1993.

21.12.14

free my lil' homey!


one time i had a dream that they put my homey on trial. he wasn't one of my posse, or even from the adventures of the expanded crew, but still, that's my homey.

"i am a mind rabbit" said the judge, and there was no disagreement.

the other members of the court got up and made their proclamations. there were boat-flowers and tree-lions among the prosecutors. one of the defense barristers took off his wig to demonstrate how he was a leopard-bundle.

bubbles kept his place on the stand and tried to maintain his composure.

"mr petfish," said the chief prosecutor, "do you recall seeing the accused on the night in question?"

bubbles shifted a bit in his seat.

--yes.

"And did you also notice anything unusual about the accused?"

-- no.

"no? mr petfish, would you consider wearing a stove-pipe hat a normal sartorial decision? i remind you that you are under oath."

-not unusual for the time of year. you see, it was old homies' week, and people wear their traditional costumes.

"OBJECTION!" shouted one of the pip-squeak associate prosecutors. the chief prosecutor turned around, smiled, and gave him the "easy, easy, slow down" hand signal.

"over-ruled" said the judge. 

i hate winter


my pet fish, bubbles, wants to wish everyone a happy solstice and a good yule.

personally, i hate winter. there is nothing happy about the shortest day of the year.

14.12.14

underwater hospitality


one time i had a dream that old father xmas crashed into the sea and was forced to be a guest of the lord of under the oceans.

he kept pleading to be released, but the lor of under the oceans kept feeding him vegetarian sushi.

fortunately, my pet fish, bubbles -with the help of the queen of the waves - was able to negotiate a settlement to free old father xmas. 

the lord of under the oceans said that he was bored of fr xmas's endless stories about elves anyway.

NO FAKES POLICY


OK!
ACCEPT NO SUBSTITUTES!

I HAVE A 100% NO FAKES POLICY!

one time i had a dream that my pet fish, bubbles, was trying to pass off his phony wrapping paper under my name.

i am completely unaffiliated with his shell company "Senape Calchino."
it is a fake and i recieve absolutely no profit from their goods. they are merely exploiting my name.

11.12.14

last night of the week


one time i had a dream that on the last night of old homeys' week before sundown, all the different crews line up and wave good bye to each other across the field.

my pet fish, bubbles, said my posse is mad tight.

4.12.14

pony parade


one time i had a dream that on the last night of old homeys' week my posse held a pony parade by bonfire light.

bubbles, my pet fish, said that this was contributing to de-forestation, and that we should have use an electric bonfire.