epilogue

one time i had a dream that the mustard emporium, now distant in memory, haunted by many footsteps and the evaporation of lost conversations, missing passions, and faded expectations, collapsed - a consequence of the burden of its own substance.

my pet-fish, bubbles, was, at last, silent.

the end

and then, i woke up.

happy birthday flykra

one time i had a dream that it was the birthday of my sister, flykra. 

flykra didn't want to go into the family mustard business. instead she became a dancer. she and her husband, roger, started a dance troupe called "peace weavers," they're dedicated to promoting ideas and raising awareness and blah blah blah blah blah...

my birthday wishes were a little late, but i'm still waiting for my christmas present from flykra. 

my pet fish, bubbles, called them a bunch of do-gooders. i told him that he was just jealous because his sister was a no good bum. he didn't argue because his sister, cinnabar, fell off the trestle.

"well, at least i don't have a brother-in-law." bubbles replied. 

sold!

one time i had a dream that i sold caulkin mustards to mr loops for an obscenely large amount of money. 

loops had to take on considerable debt to make this acquisition. in order to recuperate his loss and repay his creditors loops raised the mustard prices and lowered the quality.

people don't like it when you do that, bubbles said.

that's why they went out of business, i told him.

i also sold caulkin hall as part of the deal.   

ufo crew

one time i had a dream that one night the easter bunny was on patrol with his ufo crew.

barnibus fornibus said he hopes that the easter bunny brings him lots of carrots.

got arrested

one time i had a dream that i got arrested for impersonating an egyptian.

bubbles said not to call him.

he said nobody cares. 

alien abduction

one i had a dream that i abducted an alien who hated trees.

i lured him with cough syrup that tasted like blueberry ice cream. the other aliens took away his elf powers. he kept warning bubbles and me that when he got his powers back, he was going to blast away all the trees on the beach. 

he was limited to his own world of possibilities, which was kind of like virtual reality. bubbles told me that the other aliens regarded him as an ineffectual braggart and sort of an embarrassment to their species. but bubbles said that he wasn't worried about the trees.