waterslide

one time i had a dream that billionaire from the city wanted to pull a waterslide through my garden.

i let him do it.

he got bored with it a week later, so i used the slide as an irrigation system.

sneakers

one time i had a dream that we had to sneak back into caulkin hall late at night.

i didn't want to wake up bubbles.

fairyland

one time i had a dream that i was transported to fairyland. 

i made a trip to the local pub because i had to pee. 

the parish priest told them to let me use the wc. however, and most unfortunately, the barman said i'd have to buy a round of drinks before he'd give me the key. 

i told him "i only have one yankee dollar!" 

which turned out to be a considerably large fortune in elf-land.

who knew?

nice socks

one time i had a dream that joe sassarese was on the corner trying to start trouble with pedestrians.

when i walked by he told me i had nice socks and could i spare a buck so he could get himself a machiatto.

clarity

one time i had a dream that my uncle cuthred handed back his knighthood and renounced his title.

nobody could believe it. he said that he had undergone a transformation.

"into what, being fat?" bubbles asked. 

wizard

one time i had a dream that everytime someone said the word "wizard" a lizard appeared. 

back in the news

one time i had a dream that lorenza, the famous american actor/musician/model was back in the news again.

bubbles wrote her a scolding piece of fan mail.

hot edge: a magazine

one time i had a dream that caulkin mustards! got featured in a very exclusive spices publication.

it was called hot edge: a magazine. they put me on the cover. 

they wrote an article with photos about the mustard company. they also included an interview with me in a section called "this month in moutardiers." it's a very trendy magazine in the mustard community. it was a huge honor to be highlighted there -but let's face it: my mustards are superior.

my pet-fish, bubbles, was upset that he wasn't mentioned in the music section.

he said hot edge: a magazine is a piece of propaganda for maintaining the status quo by promoting the notion that consumption has an equivalence to liberty.

i told him that he's free not read it. 

  

the mustard inspector

one time i had a dream that the mustard inspector came round to examine the mixing lab.

he certified "absolutely no crickets!"

the mustard inspector also recomended a better ventilation system. he said that mustard fumes could get trapped and cause hallucinations.

"what's wrong with that?" my pet fish, bubbles, asked.

the mustard inspector shared his negative view on fantasy, make believe, and pretend. he blamed them for most of the problems in society - because of the young people.

he also said that poets are liars.