25.1.15

peace weavers


one time i had a dream that my sister, flykra -- and her husband roger, -- sent me a message from colorado.

they're in a dance company called "peace weavers" that works to promote causes and raise awareness of problems by swinging on trapezes.

flykra and roger sent me a voice-mail (together) about skiing up in...

you know what?
i don't even want to talk about these people right now. they're so annoying.




22.1.15

the very fascinating narrative


one time i had a dream that bubbles, my pet-fish, developed a working title for his biography.

The Very Fascinating Narrative
Of the Remarkable Lyfe and Musickſ
Of Mr Bubbleſ Petfish, D.J.

Being a plaine and truthfulle Descryption of his Subjection and Trials, for some twenty one years, under a moſt woeful Oppreſsion at the Hands of a Lunatick Muſtard Jumbler
And his Happy Liberation from those lamentable Conditionſ;
containing a Warning againſt Aprentiſhips, Indentures, and Wage-ſlavery

 Woodstocke:
Printed for and Sold by the Author

A.D. MMXV

my advice to bubbles was that his title was too long. people prefer short titles because they don't like to read. 

i told him he should just call it yellow noodles.  

21.1.15

the jinni


one time i had a dream that a jinni popped out when i opened uncle cuthred's old flask.

i was wandering through the cellar of caulkin hall and found uncle cuthred's steamer trunk. he had used it when he traveled from india to san francisco. there weren't many valuable items in it. one of the items that did remain was his old glass flask that contained in a thick leather holder. the leather was brown and worn and dated back to the times when uncle cuthred was a young man, travelling the world, trying to restore the family fortune after caulkin manor burned down because of my concussion.

as i took the flask out of his trunk, i could hear fluid sloshing around inside it. i was curious about what it might contain. in his notes, uncle cuthred mentioned being fond of gin. when i unscrewed the top there was a sudden fizzling sound. it seemed unlikely that a carbonated beverage would have kept its effervescence since uncle cuthred's days. a puff of smoke escaped and filled the room. then slowly at first, but then with increasing speed, little sparks flew off and magic stars started leaping out of the bottle. alchemy symbols poured out and attached themselves in a rotating banner around the walls of the room spelling out various chemical formulae and directions.

"not again!" i thought. it wasn't clear exactly what was going to happen, but i knew a visitor from another dimension, or something, was going to appear. i hate it when that happens.

a jinni popped out. from his manner of dress i presumed that he had spent time in the punjab. he materialized and looked around. he seemed angry.

"where is she?" he asked, looking at me with an air of impatience.

-- who? i said.

"the ..." he started to say, but then he realized he was in a new situation. "i'm the jinni who, until three minutes ago, lived in this bottle. i'm at last free. as a token of my gratitude i'll grant you five wishes, and i'll caution you to use them wisely." although he was dressed in punjabi style, there was no mistaking from his language that he was a scot.

-- don't you want to tell me how you came to be trapped in this bottle?

"no!" he cried. "i want to get out of india and get back to scotland where i belong! i got bamboozled by a witch from across the river eden..."

<<isn't that quite misogynist?>> my pet-fish, bubbles, interjected.

"no. it's post-colonial." said the jinni. "i don't hate women. i hate the english. anyways, by identifying the national identities associated with the distribution of power i have successfully challenged the structure of gender roles, in a performative manner, so that such questions cause a decaying of the dominant discourse."

<<isn't it possible to be both post-colonial and misogynist?>> bubbles asked. <<for example many traditional societies...>>

"no. traditional societies might oppress women and femininely gendered individuals, however we're discussing, by the very mention of the destabilization of authority -which is intrinsic to the assumption of phallic dominance, an epistemological stance that is incapable of being misogynistic."

<<you're loading your terms from the very beginning, then.>> said bubbles with a tone of frustration. <<you're claiming that you can't hold damaging opinions towards women because your ideology doesn't permit misogynist thoughts within it. this is a fallacy. even if stystematically, your thought exculuded misogynist thinking, you personally are capable of enacting and enforcing ...>>

-- wait a second! i exclaimed. what about my five wishes? anyway, you're not in india anymore. you've traveled across the pacific ocean to america. you're now in new york.

this gave the jinni a startle. then he smiled.

"do you realize, that if i travel eastward, across the ocean, back to gretna, i'll be the first scottish jinni to circumnavigate the globe?"

<<that we know of.>> said bubbles. <<there might have been others before you, that we don't know of, because we lack the documentation for it.>>

-- i want to use my five wishes! i said.

1.1.15

getting fat


one time i had a dream that uncle cuthred started getting fat.

auntie edwina gave him some money to buy some new clothes. however, he ate it all up. he spent all the coat money on tea, cakes, and pastries. 

this was in the days when caulkin manor burned down, the rest of the family came to New York, and uncle cuthred went out to india. when he was reunited with the family again in Albany, he was thin again. as time went on, and he grew older, he got pudgy.

he also had strange ideas.