the long dressed daughter

one time i had a dream that i got to see the donation of helen, by aphrodite, to paris.  

the unlending library: in which bubbles flips out

one time, i had a dream that all of the libraries in the country had temporarily suspended loaning out their materials because there was an out-break of simian flu.

my pet fish, bubbles, was furious when this happened. he wanted to borrow a book about ankles through inter-library loan, but his request was rejected. he told them that he wasn't even a primate so they didn't have to worry about him infecting the book. they told him that they were worried about the book infecting people, so he couldn't borrow it. then, bubbles shouted a stream of profanities that i can not here reproduce.

i told him to "chill out," but he said that he didn't know what that meant.

the angels of jazz

one time i had a dream that my pet fish, bubbles, summoned the angels of jazz.

the universal spider king

one time i had a dream that i got to meet the universal spider king who creates the web that unites the world.

he said that the secret is in the spinning.

shipwrecked!

one time, i had a dream that my neighbor told me about being shipwrecked and alone, on an island in the pacific, during the second world war.

he claimed that he survived on beer and pretzels brought to him by people from outerspace.
he was rescued by the royal navy. when the british sailors came ashore, they drank all the beer together. then, he danced a hornpipe.

my pet-fish, bubbles, got into a tizzy about this. he said that it was actually called the british pacific fleet, and they were made up of commonwealth navies under american command.
bubbles said they were probably australians that rescued him, but our neighbor, bellini, couldn't tell the difference.

i told bubbles that it must have been the english since they used a viking style ship.

so we decided to ask arturo bellini, our neighbor. he told us that he was in the army not the navy. he also told us that he was in the european theater, not the war in the pacific. he told us that he spent most of the war years involved with experiments in time travel, not aliens.

his wife said that it really didn't matter because he wasn't that great of a dancer anyway.

spring ahead

one time i had a dream that i forgot to move the clock an hour forward for daylight savings. it was too bad because i missed the birth of venus on the waves at dawn.

avogadro's number

one time, i had a dream that i got to hear an accordion player who could turn lead into gold with his polkas.

my pet fish, bubbles, said that it was lucky for me that my ears didn't turn into gold - like in the story of midas. i told him that midas turned his daughter into gold, not himself.

then, bubbles called me a stupid donkey.