the transformation

one time i had a dream that my pet-fish bubbles was detained by an alchemist who attempted to transform him into a human like his sister cinnabar. the experimented failed. bubbles was happy about that.

bubbles had been complaining for a few weeks that he needed to get ready for an upcoming show. he got a barn gig to be the d.j. for a dairy farmer at milking time. the farmer said that the cows made better milk if there was music playing in the barn. he wanted bubbles to d.j. a few live sessions, and if the cows liked it, he would buy the recordings to play all the time. bubbles suggested that he do some ambient and space music, but the farmer asked if bubbles would do some goa psy trance as well, since bubbles had played the beach d.j. in a movie.

since he likes to do extensive research for his shows, bubbles decided that he would talk to an alchemist about his ideas for the kooky twists and globular drops that his music makes. the alchemist, whose name was ignatius, said that he would be happy to help. he invited bubbles over to his laboratory.

ignatius explained the various processes and theories to bubbles. then he asked bubbles if he'd like to help in an experiment. bubbles said that he was down with that. so, ignatius told bubbles to climb into the fluid chamber. bubbles jumped in the enormous tub and swam around. ignatius released the chemical batches into the chamber and turned on the burner beneath it. he heated it up so that it was a pleasant bath.

bubbles asked the alchemist what kind of experiment this was. he told bubbles that it was a fin cleaning solution, and that it would clean his fins. bubbles said that it was sort of boring, and asked ignatius if he had anything more exciting. ignatius bit his lip and got a distant look in his eyes. he told bubbles that he had another project he was working on, but it was very controversial, and it was...well, he was very hesitant to even attempt it.

bubbles asked what it was. ingatius said he was trying to formulate inter-species transformations. ignatius said that his ultimate goal was to transform space-yeast into electronic digital form. then, he would be able to communicate with the inter-stellar yeast to see what he could learn about. bubbles asked if he thought the yeast would be able to make music if they were digitized. ignatius said he was pretty sure they could.

bubbles asked if ignatius could transform him into a bird. he had always wondered what it would be like if he could fly. ignatius said that it was theoretically possible. so, they decided to do the experiment.

however, instead of the red bird potion, ignatius poured in the blue and white human chemicals. bubbles started morph as he was swimming around. ignatius turned up the electrical charge flowing through the fluid chamber. then he started using his computer do new calculations. bubbles began to elongate. his bone structure mutated and rearranged. his internal organs began to shift. even his eyeballs mutated.

bubbles started to develop arms. he asked ignatius if he was transforming into a mer-man. the alchemist shook his head, scratched his hair, and said that according to his calculations, bubbles was transforming into a human. bubbles told him to reverse the process. he said that he didn't think that he should. bubbles was very angry and threatened ignatius with a lawsuit if he didn't reverse the experiment. the alchemist told bubbles he might like being human.

bubbles became furious. the alchemist's black cat came into the lab to see what all the noise was. there was electrical crackling through the fluid and the pops and waves of the solution. the computer was doing a read out onto an old dot matrix printer with all of the stats of the experiment's conditions. there was also one of bubbles mix tapes playing. when the cat heard bubbles complaining about the experiment going wrong, and ignatius refusing to reverse it, he did a quick about face out of the lab.

the cat climbed up into to the bell-tower and gave the rope to the biggest bell a swat. the cat was very strong. the rope swung and the bell started ringing. then the cat jumped on to the rope and kept ringing the bell.

meanwhile the local cheerleaders were practicing their shouts and acrobatics. they were doing back-flips and high kicks.  when they heard the bell at the alchemist's lab ringing, they knew there was trouble. they got on the cheer bus and rode up to the alchemist's place. they burst into the lab in their cheering outfits. they asked ignatius what was going on. he said that there was nothing unsual, just the typical alchemy. bubbles, who by this time had developed legs, shouted that he was being transformed and he wanted to reverse the experiment. the cheerleaders pushed ignatius up against the wall and threatened him. one girl stuck her finger in his face and wagged it. the others made fists and punched the palm of their other hand. others pucked up his stuff and make like they were going to drop it. the cheer squad insisted that he reverse the experiment.

so reluctantly, and fearfully, ignatius reversed the process. bubbles morphed back into full fish form complete with scales. ignatius emptied the chamber of the alchemy solutions and filled it with regular drinking water. the cheerleaders told ignatius that they were taking control of his castle and his laboratory. so they didn't get out of hand or turn dangerous, from now on his experiments would be supervised by the cheerleaders. at first, ignatius didn't like this idea. he didn't care for an advisory board, and although they frightened him, he though cheerleaders were silly. however, he soon gone used to it. shortly after the event with bubbles he told everyone that he much preferred it this way. eventually, he started teaching the cheerleaders alchemy. they turned out to be much more gifted than ignatius himself. the cheerleaders worked out new and more powerful incantations. they found ways to innovate the laboratory and improve the cauldron systems. they ended up being an instructor to ignatius, whose methods seemed stunted and primitive when compared to the level of sophistication the cheerleaders brought to the art.

anyway, that day, the cheerleading squad took bubbles, and the cat, back to town on their bus. one of the blondes gave him her cheering sweater so he could keep warm after the transformations. bubbles told them that his sister had turned into a human, and that she enjoyed it. but he didn't think he would have much fun. bubbles did tell them that he was inspired by some new ideas for his music during the experiment. they involved bells and trumpets. the cheerleaders liked being around him and laughed at all of his jokes.

bubbles invited them to his barn show that week-end. the cows really liked the music and made lots of milk. the cheerleaders arrived slightly late. they wore jeans and plaid flannel shirts. the cheerleaders enjoyed the show and petted the cows. when bubbles did his "tranzfprmation track" the cheerleaders did some kind of cheer routine, since bubbles's song was about them being heroes.  the farmer paid bubbles for the recordings of the music, and offered the cat a job at the farm as barn guardian.